TMAL, especially knowing that this is a loving relationship, in which Mrs. TMAL, I think it is important to acknowledge that your sexual attraction to transwomen, and in particular, bottoming for a transwoman, isn't going to fade. You have broached the idea that perhaps the fantasy of sex with a transwoman is best left a fantasy, but could you imagine ever having said that perhaps the fantasy of having sex with a cisgendered woman was best left a fantasy?
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I don't think so, and given that, I think you need to unpack the source of your fears. My guess is that you're excited seeing a sexy transwoman at your door, and are excited for that moment when a sexy transwoman is topping you during anal sex. But there is something sexual physical or psychological between those moments or just after the sex ends that is making you nervous, and I am wondering if you have a sense of what that something actually is?
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As for the fantasy about being fucked by a woman with a functional bio-cock, maybe that desire shifts if you understand the harm you're doing. Like men who want non-consensual sex, but understand they have to simulate that because you can't ethically have non-consensual sex. It's hard to ethically get fucked by a woman with a functional bio-cock. It's a lot easier to get fucked by a woman with a strap-on cock, or by a man or non-binary person with a bio-cock. Stand down. Leave it. Focus on your family and keep your fantasies as that. Thank you for all of the helpful comments - I hope that this can further the dialogue between myself and TMAL.
EricaP - I was unaware of the information you presented regarding trans-escorts. I would hate for anyone to ever be compromised in such a way, and will encourage TMAL to seek out his fantasy if he so desires in an alternate avenue. We have discussed the idea of going to a sex club or bar to 'pick up' for him, and I am comfortable with it, heck, I even offered to go with him!
I am a little less comfortable with the online avenue of Tinder or Grindr, simply because of the higher possibility for emotional attachment. I still very much feel desired.
I am not trying to say, you can do it once and never again. Hell, between toys and bio dick I know which one I prefer ; why should I deny him that pleasure? Nor do I want to be present for penetration. This would need to be a strictly sexual arrangement between him and a trans partner. I first learned of his kink 6ish years ago, but was neither in an emotionally or mentally stable enough place to even entertain the idea.
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He would have got what for. In my experience it is worth reassuring men who have expressed interest in bio cock just on a woman! It is much easier to find casual penetrative sex from men than casual penetrative sex from women trans or cis. They both seem very thoughtful, ggg, and communicative. Good luck to you both! LavaGirl - I would definitely be open to him having sex with men if that is appealing to him. I personally believe that sexuality is a spectrum and not always clear cut.
My biggest desire for our situation is that he is happy with whatever choice he decides is best for him. LavaGirl - I understand that sentiment! I think I was pretty fortunate that Mom life has treated me very well, so I actually think that since becoming a mother I am more open to listening and communicating.
Now, had he approached the subject while I was as big as a house, not sleeping and dealing with morning sickness all day , I would definitely not have been as receptive. TMAL's wife: Fair enough; I don't care for porn, myself, and watching it with a partner is not the best idea for me.
I hadn't considered EricaP's points, but they make good sense I know several transwomen, but I don't have any idea what the state of their genitals is. Maybe this is a fantasy that should remain just that. For that reason, I don't think a good strategy would be the club-pick-up. I think a far better strategy would be to look for a professional escort and cover exactly what you want in advance. If you want a bio dick to be able to get hard, both the customer and the escort should know going in what services are expected.
If the escort either can't fulfill the needs or would feel terrible fulfilling the needs of a potential client, isn't that for her to decide? EP 46 You may be putting too much thought into this. Neither one mentioned any of the struggles you mentioned though admittedly our conversation was brief and we only just met. Both retain their penis, one was reading a short story about their choice and going with castration.
Is the word "kink" being used here properly? As I understand it, being attracted to trans women is not a 'kink', and saying it is is demeaning to trans women. To clarify, I think the "kink" is the anal play, and the curiosity of biodick, not the women. You are admirably open-minded and GGG; many spouses would love to be with someone who listens as much, who is as self-aware and generous, as you.
Further, it's entirely understandable that you'd have insecurities in feeling you can't give your husband what he wants, both, in absolute terms, in not having a bio-dick, and just from one time in your life, when you had a post-childhood body. Can I understand from your message that you've known about TMAL's desire to be flesh-and-blood bottomed for about six years, and after much conversation are now in the place where you can grant your permission? You will have thought about the new stuff new emotions on your husband's part it will introduce into your relationship If your husband can keep it circumscribed, in its place, and it won't eat into his main emotional and life-partnership connection with you, I don't see why he can't go ahead.
But do you think it's a 'fantasy' here in the sense that it's incapable of realization? I haven't read the rest of how the discussion is playing out; I wanted to get in with a note of admiration and supportive reassurance for tmal's wife. I'm curious where you obtained your information on transfemale sex workers? Something about your connection between body dsymorphia, sex work, gender reassignment surgery, and warning TMAL off of transfemale sex workers, strikes me as wrong, absent some data.
TMAL likes women, and transwomen are women. They happen to have a penises. I think Dan has noted a number of times that gay men are not interested in transwomen, so conversely, I don't think there is any reason to suspect that TMAL or men like him are particularly likely to want to have sex with men. More importantly, I hesitated to bring it up since because I really like you both, and I think the most important thing is to stress that you should in no way feel that any of this detracts from how TMAL feels about you.
Hence I was tempted to not quibble with it being described as a 'kink'. If Dan takes another pass at this by escalating it to his Weekly column, he might make helpful suggestions about navigating and negotiating the kind of open-ness being contemplated for your relationship. May your voyage be happy for you both! This to me is the latter. But you know.. I agree with the moral thrust of your point. Someone who is attracted to people of a certain description, esp. That is just their sexuality.
Someone does not have a 'kink' for bears. They just 'like bears'. I was using the word 'kink' in a different way. My idea, implicitly, was that a fetishised or theatricalised practice that numbers as just one of the things someone wants to do, one of the ways in which they want to have sex, was a 'kink'--or could be called such.
Watersports might be a kink; foot fetishism might be a kink; hiring a trans escort to be bottomed might be. Now, some of the 'kinks' that people like doing might be so fundamental to their sexual wellbeing, or their sense of self-affirmation in sexuality, that 'kink' might be the wrong term to describe them in this way; rather than add-ons, they're non-negotiables. So they would be kinks as a common-or-garden descriptor but not 'side order'-type kinks. We know that TMAL does not need to be flesh-and-blood bottomed to have a happy sex life.
Yes, he feels a lack, but it's not relationship-breaking for him.
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We knew this even from his letter--which seems misleading on some points--and a bit more so now his wife has written in. It may come across a bit odd, but the double standard applied here to trans women escorts may seem a bit condescending. Honestly I just included your 19 because 'search' told me you'd used the word.
I was just doing a little simple-minded word policing for the masses, not towards professionals like you Particularly since later in 19 you went on to point out that "he doesn't see his kinks as kinks, but as important dimensions of his sexual identity" which pretty much pre-empted my point.
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I don't think he should let the hall pass go, but he should wait until he's done a better job assuring his wife that she is incredible and that he is not trapped. What he wants to try is something that could only happen elsewhere but isn't a replacement. I think given everything he describes about their relationship, she will understand but he just needs to explain himself more clearly.
And he needs to quit making the discussion about his dissonance. He needs to make it about his love for her and his fantasy that has nothing to do with her. I know that last part sounds odd, but this isn't her failure or her not delivering. She doesn't have a cock but that's why an escort is a good option, not a girlfriend.
You have been looking at transwomen bottoming men for at least seven years and probably all your adult life; bottoming is one of your favorite activities; you have few or no secrets from your GGG wife What did you tell yourself? And why, do you think, was it something you were compelled to hide?